Bisexuality and Polyamory

Bisexuality and Polyamory.

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5 thoughts on “Bisexuality and Polyamory

  1. Great piece of writing on this but, if you don’t mind, I have some thoughts about this. I’ve been bisexual for 50 of my 59 years and one of the things I learned growing into this is that a lot of people “toyed around” with male and/or female partners, not because it was said that bisexuals didn’t exist, but to determine whether or not what they were feeling and thinking was right given that when I was growing up, anything that resembled homosexuality was about as wrong as it gets.

    Then there was the obvious: Sex was fun, there was no such thing as too much sex and given how stingy women were with sex, to be able to get it from a man was just gravy. I’m not surprised that bisexuality and polyamory are linked together because being bi will give you a quick and dirty lesson on how to love more than one person… and it just feels right. I know it taught me that monogamy, while having some good points, doesn’t make a lot of sense which is why a lot of married bisexuals have repression issues or are known as serial cheaters.

    This “bisexuals don’t exist” is a recent thing in my experience; it just didn’t exist when I grew up. If anything, “switch-hitters” were known of and made fun of – that “you can’t make up your mind” thing and, occasions, being labeled as being gay – again, a lot of the biphobic things we’re hearing about today. But, at least in my experiences, no one ever said, “There’s no such thing as a bisexual!”

    People learning to grow into their bisexuality might have identity issues but for me, nah, that just didn’t exist and a lot of the bisexuals I grew up with – including myself – had to learn about their identity the hard way – no Internet, lack of credible sources of information, no LGBT communities, no mentoring of any kind.

    So if you learned – and by doing – that you were into men and women – you just ran with it even though us guys knew that, socially, when it was time to get married, you married a woman and then observed the tenets of monogamy as best you could which meant total repression of their bisexuality even though any experiences they may have had prior to marriage made them more polyamorous than monogamous.

    I know quite a few men who “discovered” bisexuality later in life (between the ages of 35 and 45); they told me that either it didn’t make sense for them to keep denying something they’ve always known about themselves or that since they’d done just about everything that can be done with a woman, trying out what men have to offer not only makes sense but was the next “logical” course of action. Doesn’t mean all older people deal with being bisexual – it’s hard to deal with something that you’ve got little or no experience in doing (or being). The married bisexual man is between a rock and a hard place because he might want to experience things with men… but his vows says that he’d better not even think about. Some men are able to deal with it… most just can’t and, again, are seen as serial cheaters because they can’t keep the faith, as it were.

    Loosely, when you’re a bisexual, it shouldn’t be seen as unusual that more is needed, more than being heterosexual and monogamous can bring to the table – so being bi and poly makes sense.

    Thanks for the writing and thanks for letting me “rant” a little on this!

    1. Thank you for adding your thoughts, perspective and experiences!
      You and I are similar ages (I will be 55 in a few days), but obviously because of our gender and race differences (and probably areas where we grew up),we have had very different life experiences.
      Though thinking about it now, I realize that it’s true, back in the 70’s and 80’s it wasn’t common to hear that bisexual was non-existent, but rather more that biseuxal was irrelevant and kinda weired to the gay/lesbian community and often not known much about by the straight community except perhaps as a kind of promiscuity.
      Much of what you wrote about reminds me of E. Lynn Harris’s novels. Have you read them?
      Also, I don’t remember if you’ve ever given me feedback on my novel (Love, Sex, and Understanding the Universe,” or not, but if you’ve read that I’d be interested to know what you thought in regards to the things you wrote here. I address some of the monogamy conundrum in the book.

      1. I’ve read Harris’ books and they tend to make me laugh a lot but a lot of things are also true if not exaggerated. I’ve not read your novel – where can I find it?

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